Thread: Ever Been Used...In The Burlesque Sense?

Originally Posted by Khandie Khisses

Have you ever been used by another performer to get ahead?
Did you stand up to them?
How did it go down?

The reason I ask is that a performer recently used my name when applying for a job as in 'Khandie Khisses recommends me'. Now whilst I know this person and have performed with them my name has NO sway nor clout behind it in my opinion I am merely a small fish in an ocean.

But then it got me thinking how this certain performer often quizzed me for information on shows etc and I wondered if perhaps this performer was gleening information. Then other things popped up other things that spanked more and more of advantage taking. Such as belated performance payments and asking for reduced fees as we are mates....we are all guilty of some things but the biscuit was when I took this performer to a show as a guest and they told the promoter they could do a better job than me! When I had video shoots they want to come along, with some of my photo shoots they want to come, want me to put in good words for them at shows/photoshoots/costumiers etc

I have yet to confront this performer as I want to maintain a professional relationship. Has anyone else experienced this sort of thing?

I like to think I am pretty easy going and a nice person but to be used has left a rather nasty taste in my mouth.

I get that business and friendship doesnt mix but I havent used this person for such things and despite knowing supposedly influenical people I have yet to ask favours such as this.

Yes, frequently.

Performers and promoters use us all the time (we offer free services, resources and advice) but sometimes, when a person has gotten all they can get and aren't satisfied with the limit (i.e. we don't wish to actually book them for our shows / won't shut down and move out of the way), we are mercilessly bitched about. This is to be expected - it's unfortunate but par for the course.

The thing that is most annoying of course is this sense of having a 'right' to whatever they desire; that when people take, take, take and there is nothing left to take they then take the huff declaring to all and sundry that MoB are not 'supporting' them - going as far in some cases to state that we are actually 'against' them

What usually follows is the spreading of stories about how they have been wrong done to. The stories are usually flimsy and a warped version of an uninteresting truth.

Originally Posted by Khandie Khisses

Did you stand up to them?

In this sort of instance we don't have to. Truth will out (eventually). It may take time but those bothered enough about their career will find out one way or another.

The ironic thing is that malcontents spend so much time trying to publicise their non-existent case to a handful of newcomers, that they don't see that they are making it worse for themselves in the long run. They also don't appreciate that we make none of their real misdemeanours public. Yes we could, easily - but why would we? It's just embarrassing for them and time wasting for us. They are the only ones who think/desire it to be important enough to be discussed. Our silence is not 'incriminating', it is simply that the issue in hand is not significant enough to warrant the attention. Don't expect it to be 'announced' in any shape or form - why would it be?

I guess it's always a 'pre-emptive strike' to make a point of trying to discredit the big bad MoB - just in case we do say something (as we can speak to 50,000 burlesque lovers in an instant)...

Originally Posted by Khandie Khisses

How did it go down?

It simply continues (until X, Y or Z finds a new fad to fail in and ruin for others). Gradually newcomers outgrow the malcontented individual and move on - here the story of X ceases to be interesting or credible.

All we can do is remain constant and get on with things.

We are happy to give but don't appreciate bad attitudes in return, simple. We will hire performers who are talented and nice to be with, simple. We wont hire those unsuited to a paying audience nor those who can't be a constructive part of a team, simple.

Lesson to be learned? Inclusion often breeds resentment - so I have discovered the hard way.

hmmm It seems I have killed this thread...

In an attempt to enliven it once more, I can share this. Perhaps this rings true for some of you too?

I have had the experience of losing work because another performer has gone to the location and performed so badly that all future burlesque acts were canceled. It turned out the client booked her by association (because I wasn't available that particular date), not on her own merits.

I have also had people use my name, image and the MoB name, logo on their websites, pages and CV etc claiming to be in allegiance with MoB, the top performer of MoB, sponsored by MoB, exclusive agent of Kittie in Ireland, agent of Kittie (although with a new name strangely) in Australia, the make-up artist of Kittie... one in particular has even taken official credit for media work that MoB has done (because I happened to have invited her to come along as MY guest).

I guess people are so desperate to get ahead they don't see that in the long term they are making things extremely hard for themselves.

these kind ofpeople need to be aware that if they dump on somone on their way up they better look out for a bit of a spattering on their way back down because as in all walks of life, truth will out eventually they are just making their own life harder in the bigger picture...hats off to every one doing it the right and proper way!!! xxxx

Originally Posted by agapanthus

these kind ofpeople need to be aware that if they dump on somone on their way up they better look out for a bit of a spattering on their way back down because as in all walks of life, truth will out eventually they are just making their own life harder in the bigger picture...hats off to every one doing it the right and proper way!!! xxxx

I think so too.

"You meet the same people on the way up, as you meet on the way back down".

I've seen a number of performers ruin their own chances by not heeding this/not considering this.

They seem to think they can accept a hand to be lifted up a rung on the ladder but then it's ok to elbow you off or step on your neck to reach the next rung (as they kick dirt in your face for good measure).... Of course when they do mis-step and take a fall, there's no-one there/or none willing to catch them (or repeat their initial kindness from the bottom rungs).

Ah metaphors..

She is taking the mickey a bit, but I don't think I should say too much more...

Khandie, sorry to hear that love, that’s horrible.
I really don’t understand why people behave in such a way. Sooner or later they’ll get found out and in the long run they won’t be doing themselves any favours, at least there’s that. xx