Thread: are your partners supportive with what you do?

im having a really tuff time at the moment with "mr feathers" he seems to think i should be paid for what i do, i disagree as im new, he is even dictating what events i can and cannot do depending on how far away they are, even now he emotionally blackmails me on up coming events making me go in all the wrong moods! i know this effects my performances!
Do your OH's have a say in what burly outings/routines you do or is it just me been a soft poppet!!!

Do your OH's support what you do and how do you go about talking to them about such things

in tears over this, everything i do he has to put his silly man awe in!!!

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Oh huny this is hard. I hope your not too upset. ~ Hugs ~This is a really hard one I personally believe partners should support us, if its part of your life then he should give you all the encouragement and backing needed.

My partner is a back stage tec guy and drives me to most events he is wonderful and supports me all the way, if I need help he will tell me what he thinks but never in a negative or unconstructive way. I think your situation is hard have you tried speaking to him about how you feel.

I don’t understand why he is telling you what to perform. You’re the performer and its your act. You should listen to yourself hun.

I don't have a partner, phew! But my friends are really supportive, one is my MUA.

They are always there for me.
However, my parents is a different story, they are ultra-Christian, and don't have a high opinion on burlesque and would not be impressed with chosen career thus far, which makes it tough.

I think everyone should be open minded and happy, then life would be much easier.


I hope it works out for you darling.

Oh, sweetheart

Relationships suck sometimes. It sounds like he thinks he's helping, but doesn't realise that he's doing more harm than good. You know what's best for you, stick to what's in your heart.

For what it's worth, I really admire your hard working and enthusiastic attitude. There are far too many new performers out there who aren't prepared to travel too far or be out of pocket, and expect to do well. They usually don't.

You are honest about your level of experience, understand the importance of gaining more experience, and are willing to put your time and money into it. This sets you apart and will be well worth it in the long run.

Mr Feathers sounds like he just doesn't understand your passion and enthusiasm and the fact that it's not about the money. Try not to let him affect you!

xx

"Mr Cross" doesn't like how I look and act when I am in Burlesque mode. He'll refuse to kiss me until my red lipstick is off. He has even called me "unattractive" on a couple of occasions. I know he doesn't mean it to sound horrible... he just prefers me as a surf chick. But he's starting to accept both of me. ;-)

it sucks, but its my job....

My partner, supportive - yes, interested - no!

I just get on with my own thang.

Awww, that sounds really hard... Do you think he is trying to 'protect' you or is it just a possessive, control thing? Either way, it's upsetting for you and I totally sympathise! I'm no expert but it might be good to ignore what he says and just get on - you seem like a determined and strong lady and I hope he doesn't hold you back...

My hubby refused point blank to come to my debut show and really showed no interest in burlesque until recently. I think for him (perhaps) he just didn't want to see me peeling off on stage and didn't want to see others' reactions to it (probably a bit of possessiveness going on there??). He's now been to a show (after a bit of gentle persuasion) and had the best night ever!

X

I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this kind of reaction

"Mr Tiger" is very good about these things. I didn't take up burlesque until after we met so I can't use the whole "you knew about this when you married me" shpeel. But I was still worried about what he would think about it, and actually for the longest time he wouldn't tell me. His reason being that he didn't feel his opinion should matter as it's my life, etc. and yes, had he said he was against it problems may have arose, but I wanted to know where I stood either way. So he told me that he was fine with it, but doesn't want to watch me perform. I asked him why and he said it was because he would be too nervous that I would mess up, lol. He doesn't think I will, but just hates that I might. As it happens my debut is at the weekend and it looks like he will be there. So all in all he's been pretty good.

I can understand though (as I was prepared to with "Mr Tiger") that if it's something new and you weren't already doing it when you met, then there can be problems. After all burlesque in general isn't to everyone's taste. However, that doesn't seem to be the case with you, it sounds more like he's being controlling. I obviously don't know him personally and whether he is a controlling type of person in general, but either way it might be that burlesque has brought this out in him.

Have you sat down with him and discussed how it's making you feel, and also how it's making him feel? It might help to work out why he is reacting this way and if there is something that can be done about it that will keep you both happy.

Good luck with it chick! xx

"mr bloom" is the one is helping me get into burlesque! he bought me lessons. So I am lucky in that retrospect. I turn it into a thing that will benefit him coz a lot of guys are just out for themselves and if theres something you do won't benefit him there not interested and even hate it. So tell him the more you burlesque, the sexier you feel the sexier you'll feel in bed with him. And all those people watching you can only watch. He is the only one who can touch. So it makes him feel speical lol. Like a child!!

xxxxx

First off I’m so sorry that you feel like you’re not getting the support you need. I don’t want to sound patronising but have you tried discussing it and explaining how you feel? It seems from what you’ve written that his criticism might be coming from a loving place, the fact he thinks you should be getting paid when he doesn’t necessarily know how these things work when you’re just starting out may be a problem, have you tried explaining it to him? It may be a simple case of misunderstanding.

Either way sweetpea, I’d tell him how you feel, it’ll only blow up into something more mega otherwise and you shouldn’t feel uncomfortable about doing something that makes you happy. xxxxx

I think I’m quite lucky that my hubby backs me 100% and is incredibly supportive, he gives me honest opinions in a world where it can sometimes be a rarity. He doesn’t come to every single show I do cause he can’t hack the waiting about on his own bit, he ends up very drunk usually! I love it when he’s there though, he tells me how proud of me he is an awful lot and cheers the loudest in the place.

The only slightly annoying thing he does is say “oh you should do a routine to this *insert crap 80s song that would never work* just because he likes it, but then again a lot of my friends do that too! And he suggests incredibly cheesy stuff too bless him, we always have a giggle about it.