Thread: Body Dismorphia and Weightloss

Hello bunnies and bucks!
I was thinking about my constant battle with my body and my confidence, and one of my biggest problems is I feel like I'm the only person in the world who has these problems.
And of course I am not. Every girl I know has severe body dismorphia and thinks they are about a stone heavier than they actually are.
But even though I know this, it doesn't make me feel better..
I have to go get anti-depressants on Thursday because I have accute depression due to issues with my self esteem.
I had a baby 8 months ago, a cheating boyfriend 5 months ago, and while I'm the lightest, thinnest and toned-est since I got pregnant, I am still hugely unhappy.
So I was hoping you beautiful ladies and gents would help me with some stories of your own battles and successes.
Stories about weight loss, confidence, self-acceptance, and general feel goods please!
Muchos love
xxxxxxx

WARNING

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Well, first off, without sounding condescending, I think you're already very brave for sharing this with us and you're obviously very self aware. I know from personal experience that this can be both a help and a hindrance. Sometimes I wish I could stop over-analyzing and just get on with it!
I have my bad days, like anyone else and I wouldn't say I am totally at peace with myself but I do think I'm an awful lot easier on myself than I used to be.
This is a huge topic to cover on any forum, even therapists and doctors would struggle to put it succinctly, especially as so many issues are involved.
The individual issues of weight, appearance ( perceived and actual), self confidence and depression are all very complex and when you bundle them all together, I'm not surprised you're having a hard time.
I suppose one thing to mention is that just because, as you say, many women ( and men) feel the same, this should not mean that your own personal experience is not incredible important. You are you, living your life, so don't let the thought of all those other people in any way dimish the importance of your own issues.
Do you know if anti depressants are the only treatment you will offered? Do you have any experience of talking therapies, at all? Both of these approaches can be equally effective or ineffective for different people and unfortunately it's often a case of trial and error. I have a lot of experience with both but would never presume to recommend any particular treatment, the most important thing is find a GP who is willing to work with you, as a case in progress. There is no quick fix, as I'm sure you are aware, and it can be a frustrating, lonely and scary experience trying to find your way through the fog.
I know this sounds terribly condescending but I have found that with age, comes a certain amount of personal acceptance, too. I reached a point where I thought ' my ways of thinking are obviously not working for me' ( I've been clinically depressed, on and off, for fifteen years). I am very slowly trying to adopt new thought patterns and coping techniques which, hopefully, will be a bit more productive for me.
I would hope that with self acceptance, your depression, weight issues and BBD would start to lift.
if you want to PM me, I'm happy to help with any more info etc. I am not an expert and I am not 'better' but have had a lot of experience with the NHS, medication, therapies and self esteem issues.
Lots of love and good luck Thursday
XXX

Hey hun. I also have body issues. I was told from an early age that i was "greedy", and I was a bit chubby, I was called fat from about 10 years onwards by my peers. I have struggled with my weight since about that time, and even when I was significantly teenier, I still felt fat (I look at those photos now and think wow!). I have also struggled with depression since I was about 20, and my relationship with food is not very healthy. Like Delilah, I am over analytical about everything, and while that helps me in some ways, including my job which demands it, my brain does drive me mad, sometimes to the point I can barely stand it. I have a faulty brain. Medication can be a good help if you are in a really bad place depression wise- its an illness, and you wouldnt just try to brave out other things without medication. Have a go at the pills if your doctor recommends, they can definitely help with things, and may help you get to a point where you can manage without once again. And if they dont work out for you, dont worry, there are lots of brands and other options. Some people do benefit from talking type counselling, which can help you work out where things went wrong or what the problem is. Theres Cognitive Behavioural Therapy too which can help you change the ways you think and approach things. Hope things go ok for you, you are definitely not alone, have a search for terms like depression and sadness on this forum, you will find others that have spoken about their similar problems xxxx

sara, i would tell you you were beautiful (according to your avatar pic you are) but if you have BD you will just think "shes only saying that to be nice" or "its only because its a one-off good picture". but i say it anyway. i dont have a feel-good story to offer really, just some psych information for reference, some advice, and how i think of "attractiveness" and how unimportant it really is...

if you spend a large portion of your time thinking about your appearance and how to change it, checking your self in the mirror, fussing with your perceived defects etc, you probably would get a clinical diagnosis of body dysmorphia. many theories connect body dysmorphia with OCD; body dysmorphics have the obsessions/compulsions that many people with OCD suffer, but the difference is that its focused on their appearance. although there are a lot of people who have BD as a result of OCD, rather than as a stand alone disorder.

i think the general consensus is that body dysmorphia has a neurological cause, faulty brain chemistry etc. doctors will prescribe seratonin reuptake inhibitors- which aim to calm down the compulsive/obessive behaviour. as glorian said, it is an illness and it needs to be medicated, like most illnesses! BD does have an elevated suicide rate, so before it even gets close to that point, you should see a doctor.

however, if it is a matter of extremely low self esteem and low mood in general, without the compulsive behaviour, CBT or some counselling would probably help. which you are probably best referred to through a doctor.

so what im saying is, either way you need to go see your doc and talk through your options; they will be able to prescribe something for you, or refer you to counselling. try the meds youve been prescribed by all means, but if after given a month-ish they dont help... go back to the doc. and keep going back.

the above is my advice based on being an ex- psych student; but the following is my advice as someone who frankly, isnt attractive (calling me plain would be being quite kind- i'm being brutally honest here!) unfortunately the "ugly" things about me, cant be corrected with surgery or makeup, so i've just have to deal with it. its taken me a while but i'm starting to realise that just because someone is attractive, doesnt mean they are somehow better than me. i'm still jealous of them, but then i think: so theyre genetically gifted, so what? they got that as soon as they were born, they havent had to work for it, its not an achievement! all it shows is that their parents dna combined in a way that made them "attractive" according to what society currently says is desirable. attractive people can be dull, sexless, or unintelligent just like unattractive people can be interesting, sexual, or intelligent. and vice versa. i wish society would stop rewarding beauty, and reward achievement instead.



i assume youre familiar with gypsy rose lee: apparently, she was no great beauty, but she could enthrall rooms full of people.



sorry for waffling, but as an ex psych student, conventionally unattractive person, and someone who is interested in how people view others according to aesthetics... i couldnt resist chipping in.

Every single person I have ever photographed has some issue with themselves.

Everyone.

Thank you for all your comments and support.
I have just finished a course of therapy with a counsellor but it only helped me for a short time after, and I didn't like the amount of topics and problems that got touched on in the hour session that had to be left for a week before sorting, I found it more stressful than coping solo.
Following my counselling I had a huge Health kick, I ate healthily, little and often, and made sure to burn half of my calorie intake everyday. I lost 6lbs after one week, then 2lbs the following week then on the third week I stayed 143lbs and I know that's generally how weight loss works but it disencouraged me so much!
Eugh, I canT even talk. Aforementioned cheating boyfriend moved out last night following five months of lying and cheating and godawful behaviour. I can barely keep myself together.

gosh i didnt realise cheating asshole boyfriend issues were still occurring!

concentrate on exorcising that fool from your life and your head before you start beating yourself up about anything else! and most people would say starting a diet during the break-up of a relationship is not a great idea... how are you going to eat ben and jerrys and sit around in your pj's then!?

...i wouldnt be surprised if you start feeling better about yourself once youre well shot of him. probably the best 11+ stone youll ever lose

Good luck with everything love, keeping my fingers crossed you get some help that suits you better

luv n hugs being sent to you xxx

B I M G xxxxx

Woah, this feels like it was a hundred thousand years ago.
I have to say, re-reading what I wrote, I think I might have been putting too much of a pathetic spin on everything. I vaguely remember it feelings that awful at the time, now, in hindsight, it feels like it should never have been that bad.
Thank you again, everyone for your support.
I went to my GP shortly after visiting the therapist, who prescribed me prozac for post natal depression and .. guess what? issues with body dismorphia.
After about three or four weeks, they abruptly changed how I felt about every situation in my life. It was an amazing transition, and I'm so grateful that my GP recognised the symptoms of PND when my "therapist" did not.
After a few bumpy roads, my partner and I sorted everything out. A lot of it, to be fair, was me playing the victim. He didn't cheat on me, as it turned out. I suppose you could say that he had an emotional affair. But in the end, when he was honest, he was able to share with me the problems that I placed on our relationship due to the emotional weight of an unplanned pregnancy and all that goes with it.
God help me, in all honesty, I don't know what I'd do without him. He put up with a lot of shiiiiiit from me, as I did from him. We're more than stronger because (or perhaps despite) of it all.
We're due to get married this year, and are planning baby #2.
He knows now what I will and wont put up with in a relationship, and I know when to stop being the spoilt baby that I'm so used to being! (Youngest child syndrome lol).
Again, thank you everyone so much. This forum really does make me happy to be female. The characters in here are really so wonderful.
Incidentally, in my state, I never responded to the stories that you all shared with me.
You are all such strong, wonderful women. And you all made the same, valid point. That we shouldn't let other people's perceptions of what is "acceptable" attractive or sexy, determine how we look, or even how we feel about ourselves. We are all beautiful! I think you know what I mean, without me having to quote Christina Aguilera or Lady Gaga songs!
Oh and as another added point, it seemed that time what all I needed to get rid of that blasted baby weight. I'm almost at my pre-pregnancy weight but the most important thing.. I don't care. I've toned up, sexed up, and if I could somehow get my boobs up from around my knees I'd be 100% happy.
Love you all, x
(Edit: I am a little drunk, which is why nothing is spelt correctly/makes sense. )

I know this is an old thread - I have just been browsing through the forums!
Looking at your first post I actually have the opposite - I know I am clinically obese as confimed by the doctor but when i look in the mirror I dont think I look as big as I am when I see myself in photos!
Anti-depressants are to help us get through whatever it is we need to overcome, I am still on them for post natal depression following the birth of my son over a year ago.
We get caught up sometimes in the cruel judges in life and read too much about how we are supposed to look, how we are supposed to be amazing mothers after giving birth and at the end of the day it is not all 100% for everyone all the time.
Everyday is a challenge and I am thankful for what I have and am over the weight thing (actually love my jiggly curves!)
PND is another story, but everyday is a step forward.
Basically if anyone is reading this, especially about PND, just let time take it's course and don't put any pressures on yourself that you should feel a certain way.
xx