Thread: Calling all mums: Taking toddlers to nursery

We have been trying my 18 month nephew at nursery over the past couple of weeks, for two mornings. He is definitely at an age where he is ready to start doing bigger kid activities like nursery, playing with other kids etc. He was ok at first, we got him acclimatised then left him for a while, as you do, and he had a few tears but was mainly ok. But this week he has been really upset. Staff said he did have some instances of playing ok, especially if a staff member was with him, but did cry most of the time. There is nothing at home that could have precipitated this. Now my mam (his gran) wants to take him out, but my sister (his mum) wants to persevere. However, his gran was caring for him while his parents worked, and she has pulled a muscle (he is a sturdy kid), and is now limping. Although she loves being one of his carers, she is really struggling to have him at home all the time due to her age, and now due to the injury. Im obviously concerned that my elderly mother doesnt hurt herself, but no one wants the bairn to be upset. What are your experiences with taking little ones to nursery?

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My 19 month old niecelet has been in nursery for at least six months now; she LOVES it! Really weepy from the start, still has her bad weeks but mainly super enjoys it. Her nursery nurse keeps a little diary & it helps to work out if darcey has had a bad day & why; does your nephew have this?

We were really worried she wouldn't settle when suddenly she did; its stopped her being so naughty too plus her language & social skills are fantastic.

Is your family still in Newcastle; I can get the details of the nursery my niece attends if you'd like?

It does seem harsh at the time, but perseverance is generally the key. As a parent myself - I have seen many little ones having problems adjusting in the first few weeks of nursery [and school] - but eventually they do settle. It's like those first few months of having a baby - you think they will never get into a routine - but they do.
Something that helps is if they are allowed to take in something comforting from home [like a cuddly, or a toy] - it can help the feeling of loneliness pass.
You'll get there - or rather, your sister will.
xx

How long would you give it before thinking he just wasnt ready? A couple more sessions? More than that? xx

I would give it another week or so. And have another chat with the staff - they must have some techniques that help. If they're worth their salt, that is. If they're not terribly helpful, it might be worth looking elsewhere. Sometimes kids take an instant dislike to one place - yet feel more comfortable at another.

I know it's still very early days - but I found that with my boys, once I was able to arrange some 'playdates' with other kids, that helped them feel more involved. Or getting together with a small group of mum's and kids from nursery - going to a softplay zone or a park and having a bit of social interaction away from nursery, but with the same people. Starting to bond with the other children, and then recognising them once back at nursery could help him fit in. Making friends is not always easy for little kids, especially if they're shy or feeling awkward. Sometimes an little 'encouragement' is useful.

Hope this helps.
x

I took both my daughters to nursery. Admittedly Goth Child (now 13) went from 3 months old as I still worked full time then...but you find that kids relapse into the crying as you leave them/having trouble settling in...usually after you've been away on holiday or just times when they're growing up - I seem to remember having a very hard time with both around 3 years old and we put it down to teething and growing up emotionally.

I went part time before Melchett was born and so didn't start her at nursery until she was about 18 months old. yes, she cried her eyes out and I felt like a total cow leaving her but most days she cried for about 5 minutes after I'd gone then got on and played totally forgetting me.

The funniest thing is that both of them went through periods where they cried when I tried to take them home at the end of the day or session! You've gotta love 'em.

Honestly I would say you're family should stick with it. I know there are lots of arguments for keeping kids at home until school but my two absolutely thrived at nursery, it seriously helped their social skills AND not to mention made potty training tons easier than some of my other friends had with their kids.

When they cry it does tear your heart out, but honestly this is only a very short time (even if it stretches into weeks, which I doubt....though be prepared for it to start again when you least expect it when they've been loving it for months) toddlerdom passes so blooming quickly.

I have to agree with Morticiaa though, my two tended to cry when being dropped off but then unless they were under the weather or something unusual happened then seemed to settle in.....so talk to the staff, I'm absolutely sure they've seen it all before and are less emotionally involved than your family are (I don't think I'm putting that very well) I mean they should be pretty matter-of-fact and reassuring about it....and if not, possibly talk to other parents about other nurseries....although I know this is incredibly hard finding ones in the right areas, for the right costs, with spaces etc.

But my main advice, is try to be as matter of fact when dropping off, don't show your nephew any weakness....this is nursery and that's the way it is, big hug, see you later - then walk - don't be tempted to go back when he starts crying because he is doing it to get your attention and it's better for both of you if you have a quick goodbye.....just like when you're trying to get him to sleep in his own bed if you've ever tried the super nanny sleep separation technique (which again tears your heart out but does work).

Good luck!

Hi everyone! Thanks for the replies. As it turned out, the next day my man (his gran) just refused to take him, and my sister ended up agreeing, then realising she was very relieved not to have to worry about him crying and stuff. They are going to try him again when he is a bit older, assuming my mam remains able to care for him 3/4 time!

As a childminder, I take 7 children to school/nursery a day, yet my own youngest is home educated. I have some that do have weeks when the seem to cry everyday, despite having been attending school/nursery for a year or more. On the bad days the best thing to do is to take them in give them a kiss/cuddle what ever is normal and leave, generally they are fine in a mater of minutes, Heartbreaking leaving them crying though.