Thread: Wanting to do burlesque but have body confidence issues

Hi everyone, I used to be an entertainer for a number of years, I worked as a singer/comediene and used to also do dance for fitness purposes really, my stage work at the time didn't require me to dance though I love dancing. That was all until I had children.

Anyway, in 2006 I had my first child and weeks after the birth I became sick and lost lots of weight. It took nearly two years to get my original weight back. Another 2 yrs after that and I had my second child and I lost weight even worse and this time it is a year on and the weight will not go on at all. I've had dozens of tests done and am seeing an endocrinologist.

My photography business is basically on its last legs since I came off maternity leave, I have lost too many contracts and so I want to get back into performing. I tried to get back with my former music duo partner but he is now doing different things with another girl a lot younger than me (I'm now in my early 30's). So I decided I wanted to entertain on my own, however I could not get any help from anywhere and felt like a bit of a lost cause.

I then put a silly comment on facebook in the form of a status after I had so many bills one week, it was basically stating that in order to pay for my children I would probably have to have a boob job and get a job as a pole dancer (with a lol at the end, a lot of ppl wouldn't take that seriously as I'm kind of the group clown amongst my friends), anyway one girl who was a friend of a friend said to me that there were vacancies at a club that she worked in and would I be interested. However this was lap dancing and I was not really keen, I wanted to do something more artistic, with more class, that incorporated my own talents (performing, dancing, singing, art, etc). The girls at this club had to dress and act a particular way and after considering it - it was then brought to my attention that I probably would not make any money because I am flat chested! So that went out of the window.

Anyway, my ex partner (when we were together) said I had body dismorphia because I could not even look at myself, I could not stand what I saw in the mirror and pretty much considered that i looked like some of those horrific pictures of anorexic women and that he thought I looked fine but I went from a lovely curvy 14 with 34D boobs to an 8 with 34A boobs. My legs are so skinny now that my size 10 skinny jeans are baggy on the thighs and I have lost all of my confidence. If I do a guest appearance at my friend's gig I wear my jacket on stage to hide my skinny arms.

The gentleman I worked with in a music duo called me an "Ironing Board" on stage several times, and some friends have been cruel enough to publically accuse me of having anorexia and even call me horrible names referring lanky cartoon characters. However some friends keep telling me I look good and have a model's shape despite the fact that I'm 5'11" and feel like I look anorexic despite eating a well balanced diet.

I have recently paid for a consultation with a surgeon at a clinic near Leeds for breast enlargement to go up to a 34C (two cup sizes from how I have ended up since losing weight and breast feeding).

I want to know a few things, like for example I know that there are a lot of people of varying shapes and sizes do burlesque but is there a limit, for example if I wanted to start now and build my confidence up would it be a no no for me to do burlesque due to being flat chested? Or am I best waiting until after breast surgery before I start thinking of doing it? Is there a too big or a too small basically?

I was recently rejected for modelling on grounds of my lack of boobs too, so my confidence is literally in tatters.

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I'm 5'8", weigh 8stone and have tiny 32A boobies... And it hasn't stopped me! I often wish I had more curves but I struggle to gain weight and my family are naturally slim. I had to endure many a taunt at school and even in my regular day job I keep getting asked if I have any 'problems'... And my thoughts are, if you enjoy what you're doing, then carry on and do it and don't feel you have to go through surgery to get there. I know if I'm entertaining my audience, they aren't going to care less if I'm a size 8, 18 or 28!
Highlighting the fact here that girls of ANY size have body issues!
Much love to you xx You're beautiful!

Hey there, thanks for your lovely reply. I'm weighing 8 stone at the moment also, I think because of my height that I became self conscious about it. I too was quite thin at school but as I got older I did a lot of working out, weights etc, and put weight on through training. Then of course being pregnant I didn't do anything for a long time and the weight dropped off. It never used to be a bother on stage unless my duo partner drew attention to it. We'd be talking to a venue staff member and he'd crack the joke that I was "just an ironing board this one!" so a lot of people have knocked the confidence down.

It would be really nice for me to get out there and NOT feel that I have to have work done, I think having been rejected by places based on my boobs it led me to thinking it was my only choice really.

Hiya!
I'd really just like to add that burlesque performers (and those from all performing art genres - which include acting, etc) should not be judged by size, shape, boob size etc... but on their ability to entertain the audience; entertainers come in all shapes and sizes. Speaking broadly, most burlesque audiences will not judge a performer on her - or his - shape/size/age/whatever and if the audience is entertained they will just be thinking/talking about what has just occured on stage and not how the performer looked (unless it was part of the act, of course!).

Well done for getting the confidence to get this far and air your concerns in this forum - I'm sure that we "larger ladies" forget that body concerns are just as valid at the other end of the spectrum - and no, you certainly don't need big boobs to perform (and whether you reveal them or not in your performance is up to you!) However, I would be very careful about going on stage in a state of undress if you are in any way conscious about your body (please excuse me, I really don't want to come over patronising to you, as you've probably already considered this aspect...). Revealing anything on stage could leave you in a vulnerable or uncomfortable position. I actually have really bad burns scars on both my legs from an incident when I was a kid, it has never stopped me performing (and I've been performing for over 20 years in bands, acting and now burlesque) - I even used to colour them in for horrific effects in some non-burlesque perfomances, however if I was in anyway conscious or worried about what people would say/how they'd react then I would not go on stage. Going to a few lessons first might boost your confidence - even if you don't need them it might be good practice - and good fun - with some like-minded individuals and might inspire you or set you on the right track for the style you find the most affinity with.

You stated that you were a singer/comediene, is this something you loved doing? If so, then why not continue in this vein? I'm sure a lot of burly-Q nights would be interested in booking something a little different.

I really hope to see you on stage doing what you love again... You really don't need any surgery to reach your goal, I hope you find that confidence and positivity from within... XX

Well in my experience I have found that you really can be any size in burlesque and suceed, however, those who exceed do tend to have confidence no matter what the size, something you appear to be lacking at the moment. Also, as with an industry (particularly performing ones) there can be mean people, performers and promoters alike - though the majority are lovely, genuine people there are always the odd few - could you, feeling the way you do, handle these at the moment? I think if you have a real passion for it, your best step from here is to take some classes where the pressure is off and where people are far less likely to judge because you're all new at it, there will be small girls and big girls there - every one of them will probably have at least one thing they don't like about themselves, because that's quite normal, and together you can be like a little confidence group, helping one another because you all share the same passion - burlesque. If you do some classes and get your confidence up, so you know no matter what people say or do, you can hold your head high, then you could absouletly do burlesque show, because it doesn't matter what size you are or where you come from. You just have to be sure that you're not doing something that could, at this time, be deterimental to your confidence.

Hehe Lilly Laudanum pretty much said what I was trying to in much more eloquent way!

Size isn't an issue for performing (at least not for me!) skill, talent and personality rate much higher for me. What you must be realistic about is can you cope with in terms of negative responses. I'm not saying that you will get negative reviews or responses but if you are putting yourself out as a public performer it is always a possibility. The burlesque community is very supportive - the general public may not be. Please don't think that I'm being overly negative or trying to put you off but do try and remember that your well being is more important than any amount of burlesque performances.

I have messaged you hun, but do come along to a North West Burlesque meeting, great way to get started in burly and meet some cool folks. Be lovely to meet you xxx

Hey,
By getting your butt on that stage and being in control of an audience you can blow all your worries away.
There are so many burly performers out there in all shapes and sizes, you are not going to be odd or out of place.
As Gok Says ' Just do it girlfriend'
x

i am 5ft2 pear shaped and 34a boobs so i get the small boobs thing alot! for pole or burlesque, they bring out a wonderful side of you that's always there...just needs a little encouragement to come out and both groups of people are so friendly as they are communities, loving yourself comes with time and i wish the best of luck and have a go at both pole fitness and burlesque and then combine them as i do-you'll love them both!! xxx