Thread: What's the most unbelievable lie?

Ah summer school hols - only a week and a half to go (thank goodness!!)

But today, in honour of MoB forums achieving it's highest ever activity levels and the high levels of achievement by Team GB, my youngest has surpassed herself with the number and quality of 'stories' she's told.

Some of the classics I've had today have been:

"Mummy, I was sitting watching television and my lips just went red"

(on investigation we discovered my lipstick had miraculously flown out of my handbag, smeared itself all over her lips and one arm of her top, then flown back into the handbag - naughty magic lipstick)

"Mummy! The blind on the front door just fell off and is on the floor - and I didn't touch it!"

"Mummy I'm all wet because when I climbed up to get a bowl out of the cupboard it had lots of water in it"

And all of these said with the straightest of poker faces I've ever observed on a 5 year old.

Mind you this is the child who now has a note by her name in the register warning teachers and teaching assistants that if ***** tells you she was sick in the night and needs to go home it probably isn't true because she's tried to be sent home 3 times now when perfectly healthy and miraculously recovers from her 'fevers', 'faints'etc as soon as her mother arrives to collect her and has been seen to skip joyfully across the playground to meet her before quickly realised she's supposed to be mortally ill....

So this got me thinking - what's the worse, least believable lie you've ever been told....or have told yourself?

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Mr Volatile tells porkies quite frequently. They usually go something like:

ME: Did you stack all the dirty dishes in the sink and not bother washing them?
Volatile: Noooo *eyes flit to the right*

xox

Haha those are great!

I used to hear some great ones in the nursery I used to work:

"I was just playing with the spade, and waving it around but she walked too close and that's how it hit her on the face".

"It wasn't me!"

(When I asked who had put paint all over the sinks and display- from the kid who had red paint all over his hands and face)

The best lie I have ever told- though it was quite believable- was when I wanted to go to Download festival for one day and night when I was 16. My mum had agreed to let me go but after a row with my stepdad said I couldn't.

I went to my friend's house and we bought the tickets anyway. I then rang my Dad to tell him and he agreed to cover for me.

A couple of months after the row, I told her my Dad was taking me to Alton Towers for my birthday (conveniently a few days after Download) and I was staying at his overnight. I wrote about it in my diary and evreything, just in case she had a look through. My Dad called me when I was at home so she would hear us "making plans".

I sneaked my sleeping bag and food over to my friend's whilst my mum was a t work the day before. On the morning, I was all ready to go when my mum said "Here's £20. I know your going to Download. Have fun and don't do anything silly."

When I asked her about it she said she actually had a lot of respect for me from conducting such a great cover story.

That was interesting.

I can't think of the most unbelievable lie I've ever told. I will have a think.

Your Mum sounds fab.

I've being trying to think of the most unbelievable lie I've ever told. The best I can come up with is using the line "it's my first day" to customers everytime something went wrong for nearly 6 months when I used to work at Woolworths. Now when anyone apologises but says it's their first day I wink at them and say 'I'm sure it is'.

Originally Posted by tempest devyne

Your Mum sounds fab.

I've being trying to think of the most unbelievable lie I've ever told. The best I can come up with is using the line "it's my first day" to customers everytime something went wrong for nearly 6 months when I used to work at Woolworths. Now when anyone apologises but says it's their first day I wink at them and say 'I'm sure it is'.

She is :twothumbs:

And that is a great line! :lol:

Umm claiming I was late to class as my friend had just gone into labour and I had to stay with her till she was on her way to hospital. Nothing to do with the long pub lunch of course...

That's the first one that came to mind. Although as my first response when confronted is to fib i'm sure there are other out there. As the worst liar in the world I may have to reconsider my tactics at some point.....

Hi to all. I suppose the dumbest lie I have told was when I moved in with who is now my wife Louise, and my ex went and dropped all my clothes at Louises mothers door.

As we went through the clothing all Louise could see was a growing mound of ladies apparel...........................And what did I say to her? "Oh no Louise, they belong to a mate of mine who Crossdresses.................Honest!" To which she just looked at me, harrumped then asked if she could see me dressed...............I did feel a wee bit silly.


John

Ooh I thought of one!

When I was about 10 my friend Katie and I were always late for school. We walked together with our mums who are both huge gossips and good friends. So they would dawdle along, gossiping away and every day we were late as a result of this.

It used to really annoy our teacher and we were told off every morning for it. One morning, when our teacher asked why we were late, Katie piped up "Her mum had to go into hopsital so she stayed at mine."

The teacher was understanding, and asked me: "Oh I'm terribly sorry. Was it sudden?"

My reply? "Oh.. I don't know..."

Quick thinking Katie covered me by syaing she had fallen down the stairs, but I think my teacher was surprised to see my mum pick me up that afternoon in perfect health.

I've heard some cracking bull:censored: from some of the less savory characters in the Burlesque scene - Burlesque political correctness suggest I keep quiet less I cause a kerfuffle.

As for children and porkies - my stepson is the master of unbelievable codswallop that only an idiot would believe.

When I was younger my mum used to make me get the school bus with a girl who lived down my road who I absolutely hated. Anyway I made up that I had a pony and had to get the bus alone because I was up soo early to look after it!

I got found out though when the girls mum asked how 'Apples' was lol