Thread: Families!!!

Has anyone else dropped contact with family or inlaws long-term and living happily to tell the tale? I don't have a few days to type out the whole sorry tale but lets just say the in-laws are revolting. We dropped contact with one sil a few months back (and so far loving the peace) but the other has been up in arms since about us doing it, and hates us (mainly me!) for 101 other things too to the point where we are finding it hard to see the point in staying in touch with her too. They are not my sisters tho, and this is Rob's choice, I have only ever stepped in where I think its starting to effect the kids.

At the moment it feels like this will just rumble on forever. We love our quiet little life, and I just can't take this blowing up again every other month

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My mother and my stepfather took my sister and I away from the Wylies and the Smiths way back around 1962. And no, i do NOT have a problem naming them. We lived in Glasgow,we actaully owned our wee "rooma and kitchen" we were classed as toffs for that which is really silly coz I remember my mother and stepfather going without food so that my sister and I could eat.

Anyway, about 5 weeks ago my mother and sister went back to Scotland for a weeks vivsit. Things had not changed much in the family even after all these years. A few days later my mother accidently dials the wrong number to Scotland and actually gets through to an Aunt of mine on my stepfathers side whom we had not heard from since around 1953. She had been told that my mother was dirty stinking whore, drugged out of her mind and on alcohol, that she had either given me up when I was about 5 months old or had killed me. And a whole pile of other things came out like my Granny never was buried when she died, my MOTHER paid for the funeral from her own back pocket coz her BROTHER had cashed the death insurance cheque the minute his mothers breath stopped and went and got rat arsed pissed with it all in about three days flat. This same family had a member who STOLE his fathers death money on the day of his father burning to death and drank it all with his drunk mates. In some ways I know and understand exactly where you are coming from. I can only tell you what my mum says. "Son, we got out because it was destroying your daddy and I". Sweetheart, if you love your other half and your children then to hell with the "numpties", do you really need them? Does your hubby stand along side you in this? Maybe I am a wee bit unpc in the way I deal with arse holes but, I would tell her to bugger of and grow up then just get on with your own wonderfully marvelous life with Rob and the kiddies.

Yes, although my situation sounds a less stressful/explosive than yours could become. Of my family the only person I have anything to do with is my mother, and it has been this way for over 5 years now. She has recently begun talking again to one of her aunts, but she has nothing to do with anyone else.
For me it was (and continues to be) very easy. The final trigger was their reaction to my relationship with my ex (who was disabled-apparently something so disgusting to them they could only speak in code about it) but that was on top of a gamut of other things that they found wrong with my life choices. Because they were cowards and never directly said anything to me I found it very easy to just pretend they didn't exist. For my mother I think it was much harder to begin with, as it was essentially siding with me over everyone else.
I certainly don't regret it, and though I think there are some things she misses I don't think my mother regrets it either. For all the potential people to talk to, or family events to enjoy, the price of not being constantly judged and belittled was worth paying.

I suppose its a matter of weighing up what you'd lose over what you'd gain through not keeping in contact.

Good luck in your decision
xx

I never see my dad at all, it wasn't exactly a 'cutting him out of my life' situation but his visits became less frequent, we never made any effort to contact him and we found out via my mom's divorce lawyer that he'd moved house without telling us anyway.

I don't feel like I need him, I don't feel any overwhelming urge to make it up with him and I know I'm a lot more peaceful without him. He seems to feel the same way (my sister found him on myspace a while back, to the 'kids?' question he answered that he didn't want any :lol

Mine wasn't so complicated really because we don't have much family between us - I don't have any aunts or uncles and my grandparents on his side aren't with us any more. But family or not, if someone is being totally destructive and only makes you miserable, you're by no means obligated to continue contact with them. I've learned to let go of a lot of things and just made my life a lot less stressful!

Good luck xx

Originally Posted by Midnight Blue

Has anyone else dropped contact with family or inlaws long-term and living happily to tell the tale?

At the moment it feels like this will just rumble on forever. We love our quiet little life, and I just can't take this blowing up again every other month

I know your pain, never was there a truer saying than the one that goes:
"You choose your friends, your family, you are stuck with!"

It's just a thought, but have you both made a will? In English law, if you die, intestate (without making a will) all your worldly goods go to your husband. But if he dies, intestate, the wife only inherits 50% of his estate, the remainder goes to his family, the same siblings that are giving you so much grief. So much for sexual equality!
And although you make not think you are worth much, you are probably worth a lot more dead, so sorry to be blunt, if you have mortgage protection and life insurances, can you see my point?

Wish I could cut out the inlaws ... I have nothing to do with them really, but the OH of course does and it causes friction. One side are OK, the other side hate me. My crime? Being shy, apparently. After one meeting during which I was understandably quite quiet and shy (I may not seem it but I'm like that in real life) the OH was told to get rid of me, because of some silly reasoning like 'I've met girls like that before and she's not good for you'. I ask you, how is that sensible? This was three years ago and I've refused to see them since, because I refuse to fight - and apparently I'm even more hated now. I reckon it's because I've stuck around. It upsets the OH no end - but they don't care about that ...

After I left uni the first time round, my Dad was adamant that I was never ever returning (despite the fact that before I left I had to fill in a form, giving my date of return) and tried to get me to move to Liverpool with him.

I wasn looking for a job around my home town in Hampshire, I had a new boyfriend and some great friends, and I wasn't prepared to just up and leave to the other side of the country. Plus the fact that my stepmum's mood swings are erratic to say the least and I couldn't live with that.

He told me I had no choice in the matter, I was moving whether I liked it or not, and I wasn't to tell my mum. I had to meet him at my Grandma's house at this time on this day with all my stuff packed.

Well needless to say, I was having none of that. I went to my Grandma's to meet him but had nothing packed. We had a bit of an argument, but in the end he left without me.

I've spoken to him twice since then. It doesn't really bother me to be honest, and I will talk to him again eventually.

If it is causing you hassle, and the best thing to do would be to cut off contact then it is best to do it for everyone.

Good luck hun :hug:

my husband hasnt seen his mum for a very long time..hes 43 now and i think he was about 18 when he last saw her.. she wasnt very nice to him when he was growing up and so when he could he left home, never to return or ever see her again. he doesnt like talking about her and knows nothing about her except his sister stays in touch, shes in a home now and his sister visits every few weeks.

oh and i fell out with my dad last year and he disowned me as a daughter.. it wasnt my fault and i felt terrible and missed him greatly..then he called me a few months later and asked why on earth hadnt i called him to see how he was (he had been told he had cancer and was rushed into hospital where i visited him, he came out and i visited again and then we fell out) i said to him on the phone..but dad you disowned me, why would i call you.. he said..oh god that was months ago and u cant even be bothered to call me...........erm well i never new there was a time scale on it..i disown you for 2 months and 2 months only fgs.. anyway we are talking now and getting on great

I haven't spoken to my mum for about 4 months now. Shes always been very difficult, and can be very vindictive.
It came to a head when I went off work with stress and I went round for some sympathy (I should really have known better :wallbash only to be told that she had been waiting for this to happen to me and was glad as I now knew what it was like, as apparently I hadn't been sympathetic enough when she had been off work with stress (I only remember being supportive and helping her through it). So she had waited all this time and would probably have waited years to say it, honestly I was gobsmacked. We saw her in a supermarket a couple of months later (we hadnt spoken since the stress incident!) and she started shouting at us down the aisle, saying things like long time no speak and much worse followed. What finished me off all together was that my daughter was there who is only 5 and she couldnt understand what she had done. It took a lot of talking to help her to explain that nanny wasn't happy with me and not her.
There is a lot more to it but to be honest I feel better for not having a relationship with her. I am much happier and I don't concern myself with all the pettiness anymore, I have my husband and my daughter and they make me very happy and they are all that matters to me, my mother in law is super so I am also lucky in that respect.
Families who'd have em