Thread: is it over?

I got this text....
background: it was love at first sight.....we had fallen in love then I had to move away to my parents (couldnt find a job to pay bills) He left his girlfriend of 6 years to be with me, he said I was worth it and that we were going to have the best year ever togther etc etc
he came back from a week holiday yesterday and today I got this message...

"Lyndsey Baby I have some bad news, since you've been back home and me going away gave me the thinking space I really needed back at the beginning of Jan,it just hit me that i'm not sure about a relationship so soon after splitting with my ex and the last 2 weeks i've been struggling to get over her. i'm still really confused, i'm so sorry for the timing of this. i'll call after work xx"

I don't know what to do, i've been in bed all day.

does it mean its over? or that he needs time and still wants me? that I can handle but the thought of him going back to his ex could quite possibley kill me off.

I love him and have been through enough stress with him ending it with his ex in the beginning.

any advice (from men especially) would be much appreciated.

I know men have to go into their cave in order to get closer.......what should I say to him when he calls later?

i don't want to be heart broken again.....

WARNING

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Yikes... I think the only thing you can do is let him talk, listen, talk together and see what happens.

Woah... that is harsh. Sounds a bit like he wants to have his cake and eat it. Best advice I can give is, don't let him mess you about. You don't wanna be with someone who is still in love with their ex, nothing healthy will come of that! If he starts saying he's not sure about you any more and all that jazz then you're better of without him, you deserve someone who knows what they want and who's text messages DONT leave you feeling like you can't get out of bed!!!


xx

Aw hun! Sorry you're feeling miserable. I think this guy sounds unsure, as he says he is. He sounds quite torn really and it might be better to cool off a bit until he is more certain about whether he wants a relationship with you, for your own sanity. If he has a relationship before he is ready, then it might be difficult for you as he might to and fro a bit before making a decision.

I guess you'll have to find out what he has to say when he rings you tonight. Try to listen carefully to what he is saying to you, rather than what you want to hear.
If you can try to set the pace of the relationship, if it does continue, until you are sure you can trust him sufficiently. You might have a better idea of how you feel about him after you've spoken to him tonight.

Does he normally communicate sensitive things by text to you? It might be that you both need to start talking.

Good luck tonight!

The only time I've been in a situation like this the guy was (as Ginger put it) trying to have his cake and eat it.

But I don't know your guy, so it could be very different. I think you need to talk, like everyone else has said and ask him exactly what he means and what he wants.

Hope things work out for you!

thanks everyone, it certinaly helped me to figure out what I am going to say later on

I'm happy to give him all the time he needs as I really beleive he is who i'm meant to be with.....

but I refuse to feel like i'm second best, and sit around waiting for him to run back to his ex and constantly be wondering if he's thinking about her too.

I offered him the space in the beginning but he didnt take it. I understand that you sometimes have to take a step back to take two steps forward. but it's killing me to think that he'll give up on me.

we had big plans this weekend.....which undoubtedly will have to be cancelled now. I feel so lost.

Oh wow, that's not nice! :hug: I'm sorry!

This same thing happened to me a year ago and he was breaking up with me (I was so angry that he had text me in the morning saying "We need to talk after work" and had left that hanging over me all day!). I was so upset. I thought we were meant to be together, and also said I would give him all the time in the world. I was devastated but do you know what? It turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me- a couple of months later I met Mr C.

Prepare yourself for the worst. I know you don't want to think about it, but at least if it is over, you will be more prepared. And if it is, try not to get too upset about it. I know it's difficult but you never know what's just around the corner.

I really hope that whatever happens you feel better soon :hug:

Oh Banbury i am sorry to hear that. I am at a bit of a loose end too this weekend. First I had two valentines performances cancal on me and then my boyfriend of two years decides to go on a month holiday to cuba at one days notice and i am gutted that he didn't invite me. I'm thinking of going to see some burlesque shows to cheer my self up so if you fancy a girly night out drop me a line. xx

I have prepared myself for the worst from the start.....thinking "is he going to end his 6 year relationship to be with me?...what if he doesn't?" But realised that infact I am OK without him and will survive...

it's just disappointment....thinking he was the one for me and being let down.....but who knows what will happen tonight.

Will keep you all posted later on tonight.

I am really thankful to have the advice and support from you all.

Originally Posted by liberty flame

Oh Banbury i am sorry to hear that. I am at a bit of a loose end too this weekend. First I had two valentines performances cancal on me and then my boyfriend of two years decides to go on a month holiday to cuba at one days notice and i am gutted that he didn't invite me. I'm thinking of going to see some burlesque shows to cheer my self up so if you fancy a girly night out drop me a line. xx

I will drop you a line....I was supposed to be performing this weekend myself.....but i'm not sure if I will now especially as one of my acts I choreographed for it was a dedication to him (as a valentines gift)
meh, i'm sorry to hear that you've had a tough week too.....

xx